Yes, I know this is a hot topic. I know that there are MANY different views about what is wrong and right and some of you may WILL disagree with me. But, this is my blog, and this is something that has been eating at me for quite a while.
I was reminded this morning by a radio station “Dear Mommy Squad” letter how there are so many people who feel that this is the “right” way to punish a child. I had actually started this post months ago and that just gave me the extra push to finish it.
When is Spanking a Child OK? Is it acceptable? What if they just WON’T listen?
I will come right out and say I am not a fan. Has it happened? Yes. As much as I would love to be able to say no, I would be lying. I think this is something that every parent goes through. So many grandparents will tell you it is absolutely acceptable. Not only that but that it is an important part of discipling your kids. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told by my mother-in-law that I should spank my son.
He is a handful. So absolutely adorable and funny but WOW does he have an attitude. And he will push the boundaries. Constantly.
Do I want my child to be afraid of me?
No. I don’t. I want them to respect me. I want to instill values in them that they can take away from their childhood and be a better person.
Am I dreaming? Possibly. I don’t think there is any black and white book for parenting. Every kid is different. I know my two kids are that’s for sure!
Does spanking cause long-term emotional damage?
I have no idea. I’m not a Doctor. All I can say is what I observe. I do feel that physical discipline can cause long term damage on a child’s mental state. Whether it be anger-issues or depression, there are studies that have indicated that to be the case.
Look at it from this prospective, that slap on the behind to a young child would be considered abuse to an infant. So why is it any different for a child of 2, 3 or 4?
At that age do you think that a child understands — REALLY – what they are being punished for? I don’t. Their brain is not fully formed, they are not going to understand tomorrow why they were spanked. They will recall the moment of pain, but are they going to remember what they did that got them in trouble? Doubtful. So what is the point?
So what is the correct “punishment”?
That is the question! I feel that it varies by child. I do not think that you can have a blanket “this is how you punish a child”, as every single child is different. I don’t think I have that all figured out yet either. I know that spanking doesn’t even phase my son though, and I don’t like or want to do it, so really there is no point.
Most effective so far? Taking priviledges away. Time-outs where he is NOT in his room (where he can just play). Somewhere that I can see him and he sits there and does nothing. Positive reinforcement, such as “You are a great little boy, but right now the way you are acting is not”.
One listener on the radio station that I was listening to this morning has had success with putting her daughter’s favorite doll (that she sleeps with) in time out. That maternal instinct kicks in even at the young age of 4-5 for little girls and that was the most effective punishment for her.
What has been successful for you? Feel free to leave your point of view, in fact please DO — whether you agree with me or not. 😉
So…what’s the difference between spanking an infant and spanking a toddler? Really? I got spanked (not beat) when I was a child which hurt my feelings horribly. Did they actually harm me? No. In fact, now that I’m an adult I look back on those ”spankings” and have to laugh. Neither of my parents spanked me hard enough to hurt me…ever. And I have never ”feared” either parent. I did absolutely respect them. And it wasn’t out of fear. People don’t seem to know the difference between spanking and beating. A swat on the behind never hurt anyone any more than it hurt my parents to have to do it. (I had a very sarcastic mouth on me; not proud of it, but was mostly the reason for any spanking). I believe making your children mind and listen to you can sometimes save their life. I had a brother that was 4 and running from my mom. She yelled Steve, STOP. If he had not listened, he would have been hit by a car. And yep, he got spankings too. I must reiterate, we got spanked, not beat.
But why do you feel you have to spank to make the child stop running? I personally don’t feel that is necessary. That authority and respect can be earned without any physical means.