The last few weeks things have slowed on the blog, I am sure many of my long time followers have noticed. I usually am a posting maniac during the week.
Things slowed in the Summer as I was spending time with my kiddos, being distracted and keeping them busy. Come August, we got the kids back in school and then right after that I found out that I was pregnant. Unlike my other pregnancies, I was UNBELIEVABLY tired and nauseous. So again, my motivation was dragging here on the blog. Thank goodness for my awesome Virtual Assistant Christina as there were days that I just wasn’t getting anything done at all. We were waiting until the end of September to tell everyone. We were going to announce it on my Birthday, Sept 23.
Come Tuesday, Sept 3 I started bleeding. Not a lot but it concerned me as I had never had bleeding with my previous pregnancies. My midwife said that it could just be implantation bleeding and to just keep an eye on it. By Friday it wasn’t increasing but it was continuing and I wanted answers so went into the OB Triage to find out what the deal was.
I was thinking I was about 8 weeks pregnant at that point.
Ultrasound was showing 5w6d. And was showing no heartbeat. An Ultrasound with no Heartbeat. Even though it was so little, seeing that ultrasound and not seeing a heartbeat was one of the hardest things I’ve experienced emotionally.
Three different doctors. None were able to locate a heartbeat. Unfortunately they would still not say affirmatively one way or another as at that point it is possible that they cannot locate the heartbeat. They drew blood to measure my HCG levels and said come back in 2 days for another draw.
Blood draw was almost identical two days later. Again ultrasound showed no heartbeat but as it was “only two days later” they still wouldn’t confirm anything one way or another.
Friday, Sept 13, I returned for another check and this time the Ultrasound showed 6w5d. But still no heartbeat. I knew in my heart that the baby didn’t make it but of course was keeping my hopes up that there would be some other explanation. As it was “bigger” the Dr was still not confirming for me and basically said to wait it out a little longer.
In some ways I am grateful for the waiting period as I was able to prepare myself emotionally for the loss but in others it was so emotionally draining.
Monday, Sept 16, I did officially miscarry.
I am healthy and physically I am fine now. Emotionally I am fighting internally — I do know that miscarrying is a common thing, I know that it means that the baby wasn’t healthy. But I can’t help but blame myself, did I not eat right? Did I do something wrong? Should I have been doing something differently? What is the “appropriate” emotional response? I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no “appropriate” response. Everyone deals with these things differently. I don’t normally post things so personal on my blog but I wanted to share so that you guys can understand why things have slowed a bit over the last few weeks.
I am trying hard to get back to the “norm” and will over the next few weeks for the holidays. 🙂 Thank you for understanding. Thank you to my loyal followers for sticking through everything with me.
I have been where you are. It takes time. Allow yourself to ask these questions and allow yourself to grieve. It’s all part of the process and yes everyone’s process is different. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.
Hugs and prayers darling
I am so sorry for your loss. Take your time getting yourself where you need to be – we’ll be all here for you. Many hugs and much love.
You are in my prayers! I know its alot to deal with. I’m so sorry.
I have been in your shoes. This happened to me between my 1st two children. I was 8 wks along when I found out. My prayers are with you.
(((hugs))) I am so sorry to hear this. Please know that my thought and prayers are with you!
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you especially with all the waiting you had to do. 🙁
So sorry for you loss. I have been there too. My husband and I have experienced several miscarriages and it is something that is never easy. It always is very painful and we always have questions about why. Healing emotionally does take time but every day it will hurt just a little bit less. My family and I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best!!!
I’m so sorry to hear. I went to a Dr appt at 13.5 weeks, we were being cautious and had waited to tell people, and I found out I had lost the baby, and had to have surgery right away. It was such a shock. Thinking of you.
I’m so sorry! Hugs and prayers sent your way!
Thoughts & prayers are with you. I’ve been through this as well and I know the emotional drain. Hugs!
Lots of Love! I’m sorry for your loss. We’ll be here for you when you get back!
sorry for you and your family’s loss. I am sure that all your readers thoughts and prayer are with you as are mine
I am so sorry for your loss.
My husband and I went in for our 12 week ultrasound. We were ready to post pictures that night for all our family and friends to see our new addition. Instead, the ultrasound showed 10weeks and they couldn’t find a heartbeat. My body refused to miscarry on its own so I had to have surgery. Even knowing my child was not with me spiritually, it was still the hardest thing in the world to tell a doctor to take my baby. But I now have an angel watching over me, and you do too. You just have to remember that and don’t be afraid to talk about it. Prayers coming to you and your family!
I miscarried a few days before you. I found out I was losing the baby at about 8 weeks. I waited 2 weeks, hoping for miracles, but no such luck. This is my 7th try in the past 6 years. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t really get easier. But please remember to take care of yourself, because you are still alive, and you can always try again.
Oh my Mindy 🙁 I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine going through that so many times. My heart aches for you. <3 And yes, we can always try again.
So sorry for your loss! I suffered a miscarriage quite a few years ago. I had an 11 year old and an 8 year old (both boys). I truly believe this was our little girl. It was a very emotional time for me also and I still think about my baby quite often. I’m sure she’s in heaven waiting for us to join her someday 🙂 Hang in there, it does get easier.
You are in my prayers.